if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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