This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
