what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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