Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
