Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
