blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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