I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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