i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
