I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
