There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
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