If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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