whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
