So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
