OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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