I'm going to jail i love you
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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