38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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