You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
