You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize