how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You can't special order awesome
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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