Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
