if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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