Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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