The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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