I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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