Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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