Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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