id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
cat food counts as protein by the way
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
