maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
