soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
