My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
