I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
