Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
