dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
