Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
wow bdsm is so cute
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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