Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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