I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
