I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize