I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize