just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
