just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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