remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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