Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
