he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
