I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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