i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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