bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
sex in a hospital.. check
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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