What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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