I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
