I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
