I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
