Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
