Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
