You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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