I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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