I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
